Recently I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder!! Wow, I know right!?! I was so surprised and so grateful all at the same time.
It all started with a phantom smoke smell and migraine headaches. Nothing helped. I couldn't get any relief. At this point, I was sent to a neurologist. The neurologist then sent me for further testing. An MRI and an EEG. Now, let me just tell you....................me and tight places do not get along. The MRI was one of the scariest things I have ever done. I cried the entire time. The only way I made it through the MRI is singing Primary songs to myself and praying to my Heavenly Father that I would be okay. I still couldn't believe this was happening to me. I had no idea what I was going to do. Every bad thing that could possibly be going through my mind.................was going through my mind.
The neurologist had told my husband and I that it could be 1 of 2 things; a seizure disorder or a mass!! Lets just say, until March 17th came along I was a complete mess. I could hardly function as it was, but now wondering what was going on in my head was even worse.
During this entire time my husband and I were planning on going through the Manti Temple on March 1st 2014. We Decided to go ahead with our plans and we were sealed together for all time and eternity on March 1, 2014.
It was a very specialday and I am so happy
we decided to go through with it. That day we entered the Temple brought such a feeling of peace and serenity, that for that one day I was able to forget about my head and the pain I was in and the horrible smell of smoke that I had been smelling for the past few days. My Heavenly Father has truly blessed me in so many ways.
So, it is a seizure disorder and we are still trying to figure out a medication that will work for me. So, far we haven't had any luck. I am on medication number four. I know I can take this. I have taken it in the past for something else, but didn't know you couldn't get pregnant while taking it. Little piece of information I think I needed to know at the time. It causes birth defects.
The first medication we tried caused horrible sores in my mouth and a rash covering my entire body. Medication number 2 didn't work. I still smelled the smoke. After a while of smelling the smoke it gets so bad that all I want to do is sleep. I even put vick's vapor rub in my nose to help with the smell. Medication number 3 caused acne. Yep, 31 years old and my face was covered with those annoying little white bumps we call zits. Not just a little here and there, but my entire face and down my neck onto my chest.
So, now we are on medication number 4. I have to titrate up on to a high dose and as soon as my doctor gets back to me I will let you know how it is working!!!
Living with a seizure disorder has been quite a challenge for me. Not only has it been hard to do my day to day activities (mommy, wife, etc) the headaches and smelling of smoke are agonizing. I have a hard time concentrating and sometimes I even forget what I am doing in the same moment I am doing it. My head feels like it is going to explode at any given moment. Its seems just when we find a medicine that is working something else goes wrong and I have to quit taking it. (My doctor did mention a nerve block, which I am going to try the next appointment I go to)
Now I know that we all have our own challenges and our own weakness's and sometimes we are so hard on ourselves that we feel that we can't share those challenges and weakness's with others. It has taken me many, many years to finally come to the realization that this is very true and if I do share these, I may help myself (most importantly) and maybe somebody else, too. I strive everyday to be so perfect in every way that I honestly think I make my self sick. I constantly compare myself to everyone else, when in fact I am my own SELF and in my Heavenly Father's eyes I am loved. I need to learn to turn to him instead of stressing so much. I know there is something for me to learn from all of this and hopefully soon I will find out!! Maybe, I need to S-L-O-W down a bit!!! I don't know. I do know that I need to turn to my Heavenly Father more and ask him for help. Because I know he will help me.
So, to all the mommies out there with a seizure disorder or with any kind of disorder (some of us have more than just one, I will get to that later) we can do this together!! Until we meet again!!
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